Today I begin a rigid regimen
to get my pre-mom stature back.
First up: deflate these boobs.
Someone I don’t like anymore
(because she’s “been there, done that”
a million times and I’m sick of
one-upmanship amongst mothers)
says chilled cabbage leaves
work best for breasts
returning to their milk-free days.
In my hands, they are honeydew
as I cover each one green, although
I just want to pop them with a pin,
pop them like blister-rubbed heels.
Oh god, I am the wrong shoe
in this body that tongues vitamins
and laces sleep-deprived nights
without shots of whiskey.
I’d feel immediate relief
from these cracked nipples
(although it’s been quite nice
having cleavage) if only
I could flatten these mammaries,
but the baby’s crying now.
Maybe I’ll start tomorrow.
Laurie Kolp is the author of Upon the Blue Couch (Winter Goose Publishing, 2014) and Hello, It's Your Mother (Finishing Line Press, 2015). Her recent publications include concis, By&By Poetry, Bracken, Up the Staircase Quarterly, Front Porch Journal, and more. Laurie lives in Southeast Texas with her husband, three children and two dogs.